As a band instructor at an elementary school， I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time.

作为一个小学的乐队指挥，为了确保学生投入足够的时间练习，我要求他们上交由他们父母签字的练习单。

I had to laugh， however， when one parent wrote on her child's sheet， "Practiced 17 minutes， but it seemed like hours.

可是有一次，一位家长的签字把我逗乐了。练习单上写着：“练习了17分钟，但犹如几

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A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee， Doctor， I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .

一位男子来到医生的办公室。

“医生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您说我该怎么办？”

他问道。

"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.

“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”

医生回答说。

【注释】

(1) stabbing adj.刺痛的

(2) spoon n.匙子

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Teacher: Where does God live?

老师：上帝住哪儿？

Student: I think he lives in our bathroom.

学生：我想他应该住我家浴室。

Teacher: Why do you say that?

老师：为什么这么说？

Student: Well， every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says， "God， are you still in there?"

学生：因为每天早上我爸都猛敲浴室的大门喊：“上帝啊，你怎么还在里面？”

Teacher: How can you tell a hawk has good eyesight?

老师：为什么说鹰的视力很好？

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A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out， there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived， no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see， while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so， the mother pushed and after a little while

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One day a little girl came home from school， and said to her mother， Mommy， today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.

The mother exclaimed， But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way， what was it that you didn't do?

The little girl replied， My homework.

一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情

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Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street，" said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless， and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please，" said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

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What Are Some Funny Physics Jokes?

有哪些搞笑的的物理学笑话？

获得198好评的回答@Matt Sutton

My favorite is: Why did the physicist's pocket vibrate? Because he left his phonon.

我最爱的一个笑话是：为什么物理学家的口袋振动？因为他把声子放口袋了。

The best one I have heard is that an ion walks into a bar， and says to the barkeeper， 'I think I left an electron in here.' The

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A famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture when his chauffeur offered an idea. "Hey， boss， I've heard your speech many times， I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.

一个著名科学家起程去再作一个讲座。他的司机出了个主意：“老板，您的讲座我已听了这么多次了。我打赌我能作这个讲座，让您休息一个晚上。”

"sounds great，" the scientist said.”

那太好了。”

科学家说

When they got to the auditorium， the scientist put on

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开心一下 英语小笑话

A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him， but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat， clicked on the radio and said， "Mayday， mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said， "State your location

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The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm．“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner．“I'll just fire you．” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum． I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of． I don't need a thing， sowhy hire

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Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box.

丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。

As he does so， he left his friend， "This is a tough world， so I’m teaching my boy to fight."

他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”

Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is， who’s also been taught how to box."

朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”

Dan: "I

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Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.

Son: Father， Can I ask you a question?

Father: Ok ask.

Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor， does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.

Father: !!!??????!!!

Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation（背诵，朗诵） ， and the doctor， somewhat nettled（刺激，惹恼） ， said: Landon， you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject. You seem to lack ambition. Why， at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world.

Yes， said Landon， he couldn't help it， for you will recall the fact， do

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奔跑的小白兔

这则笑话应该挺多童鞋已经看过，小编以前听到的时候就觉得。。。好可怕。。。

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says， "Giraffe my friend， why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest， you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him， looks at the joint， tosses it and goes off run

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我在加利福尼亚的圣玛丽亚市（Community College in Santa Maria， Calif.）一所社区大学读书。期末考试那天……

On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria， Calif.， we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class， several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor anno

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"Can you tell me what fish net is made， Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？”

老师发问道。

“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”

小女孩回答道。

一名新警察与老警察开着警车第一次出去巡逻……

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said， "Let's get off the corner， people." A few glances， but no one moved， so he

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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night， she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥，她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个万圣节夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戏服，躲在树后，准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。

When her husband came by， she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns， long tail， and pitchfork.

当丈夫走近时，她从树后跳出来，站到他面前

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One day， the father lets eight year-old son send a letter，有一天，父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信，the son took the letter ，儿子已经拿着信跑了

the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

After the son comes back， the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

儿子回来后，父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?”

"Certainly"“当然”……

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A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've

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