The ability of the Kangaroo

The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo， but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet， but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated， the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet， but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo， "Ho

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OLD MAGICIANS never die， they just they just change color

OLD MAGICIANS never die， they just they‘re just fooling themselves

OLD MAIDS count on fingers， but young girls count on legs

OLD MATH TEACHERS never die， they just reduce to lowest terms

OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die， they just disintegrate

OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die， they just go off on a tangent

OLD

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he first tomato has no answer， the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer， so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly， said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"

两颗番茄去逛街，第一颗番茄突然走得很快，第二颗番茄就问：“我们要去哪里？”

第一颗番茄没有回答，第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄还没回答，所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说：“我们不是番茄吗？我们会说话吗？”

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Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理.现在，谁给我举个例子?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短.

My two sister and I were all away at various colleges at the same time. One day， after facing one crisis too many and tired of being treated like just another undergraduate， I phoned home for some consolation and understanding of my unique problems.

When my dad answered， I immediately launched into my litany（连祷，冗长故事） of frustrations with college life. As I paused to catch

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Our son， at age of five， had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals（长声尖叫） of delight， accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday， his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

One day， while our son was talking to a little friend， a motorcycle passed by. He excitedl

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An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure. That's easy，" said one man."What is it?""H， I， J， K， L， M， N， O.""What， what?" reasked the instructor."H to O，" explained the chemistry expert.

生化战争课的老师在课堂上问士兵们：“谁知道水的分子式？”

“当然，太简单了。”

一个士兵回答道。

“是什么？”

“H， I， J， K， L， M， N， O.”

“什么，什么？”

老师又问道。……

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1. Into the Church

进教堂

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall， the hardware store， and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files， the mayor got rid of the predators， and soon the squirrels were back. The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside t

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A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.

"Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue‘ and ‘A Love Supreme‘?" she asked.

"Well， no，" answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children.”

"Is that a record?" she inquired.

"I don‘t think so，" replied the man， "but it‘s as close as I want to get.”

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A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me.

一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，He is well-groomed and very well behaved.

它很干净很有教养，Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner， who said， "I've bee

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Vacationing on the island of Oahu， we were waiting in our tour bus for some stragglers to show up. A man， obviously not with our group， approached the bus and was about to board. How would our driver handle the situation， we wondered. Straight-faced， he leaned toward the door and asked， "Going to the nudist Colony， sir?"

在瓦湖岛上度假时，我们坐在旅游车里等候掉队的人。一位男子，明显不是和我们一起的，朝旅游车走来并要上车。司机会怎么处理这种情况呢？我们都拭

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Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town． Sotired had the authorities become of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb． Accordinglyhe was prepared for burial． The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon． As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked，“Who is it？”

“Why，Seth Smith， who is too lazy to get anything to liveon， so we are

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E 遇到 M 问：你低着头这是干什么啊？M 说，到现在你还没看出来我在向你求婚吗？俺错了！俺爬下低头认罪还不原谅吗？

I 遇到 J 说，你小子真不地道，处给人下绊脚。

1 遇见 K 说，小样，几天不见长犄角了，还长俩个，怎么全长在肚子上。

P 遇到 R 说：你小子拄根拐棍就敢给人开处方了。

n 见了 h 说：告诉你叫你不许投票，你小子非要投赞成票！没看见 u 在用脚投票吗？

b 遇见 d 说：怎么了？不要脸就不要脸呗，怎么屁股也长在前面？

N 对 V 说：缺条腿你正是正了，可是已经头朝下了。

Y 对 K 说：别有事没事的拿出来显摆，谁没有啊？

L 见了 7 说：兄弟，真长本事了，玩起了单腿跳。

8 遇见 3 说：哎，你老兄可混的太惨了，肚子的肉全没了，就剩下后背的一条筋了。……

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Four friends were arguing over whose dog was the smartest. The first man， an engineer， called to his dog， "T Square， show your stuff. " The dog trotted over to a desk， pulled out a paper and pencil， and drew a perfect triangle.

四个朋友在为谁的狗最聪明而争吵。第一个人是个工程师，他对自己的狗喊道：“T形角，使出你的本领来。”

这只狗便跑向一个书桌，拉出一张纸和一支铅笔，画出了一个完美的三角形。

The next guy， an accountant， called to his dog， "Slide Rule， go ah

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One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads， see how the farms looked， and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子

The city man saw a farmer in his yard， holding a pig up in his hands， and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.

这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的

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Once， late at night， an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor（走廊） of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room， but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few m

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有个妇女去看病，为她诊治的是一名年轻的医生。检查进行了大约四分钟，她哭着跑了出去……

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new doctors ... but after 4 minutes in the examination room， she burst out， screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was， and she told him her story. After listening， he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older docto

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Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic， and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.

One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said， "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store.

"Six for five cents.

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The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it， but his grandma doted on（溺爱，宠爱） him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything， he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school， his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked，

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Q: Did you hear about the new American Express Card they are issuing in Red China?

A: You never leave home.