Looking very unhappy， a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

"Doctor，" he said， "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens， man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth， Doctor，" the poor man replied， "I didn't need the money so badly then.

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The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ，个女学生坐在座位上，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里

and was busily chewing gum，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，when the teacher espied her.

被老师发现了

"Mary !" called the teacher sharply.

“玛丽！”

老师严厉地叫她。

"Yes，Madam?" questioned the pupil ，“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。

"Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”

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A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad（少年，小伙子） . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for， sonny? asked one of them.So he won't join the army， the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么？这样，他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。

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Stupid OrdersWhen Nasreddin was a boy， he never did what he was told， so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.

One day， when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys， they had to cross a shallow river. When they were in the middle of it， one of the sacks on Nasreddin's donkey began to slip， so his father said， "That sack is nearly in

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An Axe to Grind

A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.

Each year， the boy asks and the father tells him， "I don't want to pay for it."

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining， he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.

Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down

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Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school， I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh， I said， realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right， my daughter replied， The police car behind us did the same thing.

我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去，在红灯处右拐了，而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国，其交通规则是车辆左行的，与我国相反)。啊噢，意识到犯了错误，我说。我刚才拐弯是违章的。我想那没关系的，女儿回答说：我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。

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A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.

"Yes， sir，" replied the driver.

"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"

"I would have， officer， " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman， and I was afraid you were bringing her back.

一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。

“难道

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Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it， and received this reply， "For HEAVENS SAKE， don't dig up that garden， that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning， a do

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At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger（行凶抢劫者） but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. Don't you speak English at all? the judge asks. Only a few words， replies the mugger.

What words do you know?

Your purse or your life!

法庭上法官正审问一个抢劫犯，由于该犯是一个不会说英语的外国人，审问很困难。你一点英语都不会说吗？法官问。我只会说几个词，抢劫犯回答。

你会说哪几个词？

你是要钱还是

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A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.He watched the game in astonishment for a while."I can hardly believe my eyes!”

he exclaimed."That‘s the smartest dog I‘ve ever seen.”

"Nah， he‘s not so smart，" the friend replied. "I‘ve beaten him three games out of five.”

One day in class， the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary， was the boy’s answer.

一天课上，老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。

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A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly， " Alcohol can break down conjugal（婚姻的） relation， even cause your wife to leave you… "

A man shouts out at the news， "Give me another bottle of Brandy."

以戒酒为主题的演讲比赛正在进行，一个演讲者动情地说：“酒精可以破坏夫妻关系，甚至导致妻子离开自己的丈夫……”

这时一个男人大声喊：“再来一瓶白兰地！”

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A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker， "I'd like you to repair these shoes for me， please."

一个人把一双鞋子拿到一家鞋店，并对修鞋匠说，“请帮我修这双鞋子。”

"Certainly， sir，" the shoemaker said.”

当然可以，先生，”鞋匠说。

"When will they be ready?" the man asked.”

什么时候能修好？”

那个人问。

"I'm a bit busy， but they'll be ready for you on Thursday." he sa

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One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll（滑稽的） sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class， he said， "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring， so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do， however， object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they&a

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Teacher: "John， what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

John: "What do you think it is， sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think， I KNOW!"

John: "I don't think I know either， sir!"‘

老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么？”。

约翰：“你想它是什么呢”？

老师：“我不用想，我知道！”。

约翰：“我想我不知道”。

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What Are The Two Words？A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter．“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me．I wish you would promise me never to use two words．One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’．Would you promise me that？ “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl．“What are the two words？”

一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。

“我亲爱的，”老夫人

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The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.

One day， the husband got home and asked his wife， "My dear， what will we eat today?"

The wife said， "You may select the dish today."

The husband was very glad and asked， "Which dishes are there today?"

"Cabbage."

"The others?"

"None."

"Then how to select?"

"Eat or not eat!" the wife

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在田纳西州一个农户家里，一位医生为农妇接生。因为是黑夜所以医生让农夫一直点着灯笼。随着婴儿一个接一个的降生，农夫好奇的问医生：你觉得是不是因为光的缘故？

It might be the lightDeep In the back woods of Tennessee， a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night， and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity， the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said， "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am

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地方报社负责刊登死亡讣告的部门电话响了。

“登一篇讣告多少钱？”

……

The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. "How much does it cost to have an obituary printed"? asked the woman. "It's five dollars a word， ma'am，" the clerk replied politely. "Fine，" said the woman after a moment. "Got a pencil?" "Yes ma'am." "Got some paper?" "Yes ma'am." "Okay， write this down: 'Cohen dead'." "That

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Teacher: Here are two birds， one is a swallow， the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

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