英语笑话_英语笑话大全

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday， the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So， in a whisper， he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven， please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be

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英语笑话：Lose One Pound减掉一磅 十夏 2015-05-17 11:24:18

I complimented one of my co-workers on having lost ten pounds. However， I couldn't resist bragging that when I was 17， 1 weighed 225 pounds and today I tip the scales at 224. 1 added， "That's not bad for a man of my age."

Overhearing this， a woman remarked， "You mean to say it took you all this time to lose one pound?"

我称赞我的一个同事减肥10磅。可是，我禁不住夸耀说我17岁时，体重225磅，而目前体重是224磅。我还说：“

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【读点笑话学英语】传教士买鹦鹉 冰冷的心脏 2015-05-17 04:13:55

The Preacher Buys a Parrot

传教士买鹦鹉

A preacher is buying a parrot.

一个传教士在买鹦鹉。

"Are you sure it doesn't scream， yell， or swear?" asked the preacher.

“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗？”

传教士问。

"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot，" the storekeeper assures him.

“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”

店主向他保证。

"Do you see those str

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Painting shows it all 我爱吴皇蹦恰恰 2015-05-15 05:04:08

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.

"What a great realist that painter is!”

he exclaimed.

"What painter?”

"The one that painted this picture ‘Soldiers at Work‘.”

"Yes， hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren‘t working at all！”

"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture！”

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Much happier 恋人不敢箫声断 2015-05-13 18:32:21

Captain: Are you happy now that you are in the Navy?

Able Seaman Jack: Yes， sir.

Captain: What were you before you came into the Navy?

Able Seaman Jack: Much happier.

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英语小笑话：A Blind Beggar 掌中虚线 2015-05-10 05:20:36

A Blind Beggar

There was a blind beggar wearing sunglasses and asking for money. A drunk man walked by， thinking the beggar was pitiful， threw him a hundred dollars.After walking a few steps， the drunkard turned around to see the blind man holding the money up to the sunlight to check if it was genuine. The drunk man， feeling cheated， ran back and snatched the money back， “You’re go

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Perfect Penis 你爱我就够了 2015-05-08 16:01:26

There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods.

The little

girl asked the boy， "What is a penis?”

The boy replied， "I don`t know.”

At that time he hears his mom

calling him for lunch.

He goes home and eats his lunch.

Then he

sees his dad on the couch.

He goes up to his dad and ask him， "What is a penis?”

The dad whips his out and

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英语小笑话：An Exact Number 闷骚 2015-05-07 07:06:54

A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.

"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American， who served as a guide.

"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.

"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.

"Well，" replied the guide， " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred

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英语笑话：如果我是一个经理 if I Am a Manager 北悲嗜酒成性 2015-05-06 03:43:30

if I Am a Manager

One day in class， the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.

All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

“I am waiting for my secretary，” was the boy’s answer.

如果我是一个经理

一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。

所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。

“我在等我的秘

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英语幽默笑话：Mushroom and Toadstool 蘑菇与毒蕈 心里人 2015-05-05 00:10:39

Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool（毒菌） ?Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning， it was a mushroom.

年少的童子军：我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢？年长的童子军：上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来，那就是蘑菇。

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英语幽默笑话：The King's Brother 国王的兄弟 说好白头 2015-05-03 19:56:19

A poor man， presenting himself before the King of Spain，asked his charity， telling him that he was his brother． Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him， the poorfellow replied，“We are all descended from one common fatherand mother—viz．， Adam and Eve．” Upon which the kinggave him a little copper piece of money． The poor man beganto bemoan himself， saying，“Is it possible that

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英语幽默笑话：视力训练 Visual Training 瀞瀞瀞╮夜偲 2015-05-01 12:00:41

The squad were having “visual training”． One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field．The party was so faraway that the men appeared as mere dots， but unhesitatinglythe recruit replied： “Sixteen men and a sergeant，sir．”

“Right；but how do you know there's a sergeant there？”

“He's not doing any digging，sir．”

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英语笑话：再喂他几枚五分镍币 Keep feeding him nickels 死风烟起 2015-04-28 07:58:11

A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up， turned him upside down and hit him on the back， whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically（疯狂似地） ， she called to the father outside.

"Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes! What shall I do?"

Yelled back the father， "Keep feeding him n

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双语 | 英语幽默笑话精选2则 我的未来有你在 2015-04-25 23:29:27

很多英语国家在漫长的历史中，广泛流传着很多经典的幽默小笑话。今天，小编为大家准备了两则经典的英语笑话，给大家来分享一下，希望大家开心一笑，一起来看看吧！

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled， put the cheese into his mo

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