Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window， a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied， she backed away and tried again. After five attempts， she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

"Good morning，" she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the tim

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4-year-old Begin and his cousin scrambled (攀爬，争抢) for toys. His mum told him: “ You are older brother because you’re older than your (cousin) sister. You should give ground to her. ” Begin thought a little but maintained(坚持) : “ My sister must give ground to me when she grows older than I.” His uncle around overheard and said : “Such a thing hardly occurs.”

四岁的贝京和小妹妹争玩具。妈妈对他说：“你大，你是

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A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

在凌晨两点，酒吧店主锁了店门，回家睡觉。他刚躺下几分钟，这时电话响了。

“你早上几点营业？”

他听到一位明显已醉醺醺的男子的声音。

The owner was so furious， he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes

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A: Which do you find more important， money or friends?

B: Friends， of course.

A: Why?

B: I can always borrow money from friends.

甲：你认为钱和朋友哪一个更重要？

乙：当然是朋友。

甲：为什么？

乙：我总可以从朋友那儿借到钱。

All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation，" Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My

wife is the minister of finance， my mother-in-law is the minister of war，and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting， " his colleague replied. "And what is your

position?"

"I’m the people. All I do is pay."

我要做的一切就是付钱

布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子……

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The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

Someone dialed 911.

When the paramedics arrived， they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint，" he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage， and instead of driving the car out， he came out with the lawn mower.”

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A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now， children， said she， has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?

Please， teacher， said a small boy， I've made someone glad yesterday.

Well done. Who was that?

My granny.

Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.

Please， teacher， I went to see her yester

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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said， "I'm here because my house burned down， and the insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence，" said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood， and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start

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A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door， talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

"Come on， miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door， please!"

“快点，小姐！”

他喊道：“请把门关上。”

"Oh， I just want to kiss my sister goodbye，" she called

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What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot

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Mrs. peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn‘t accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work， she told him， "I‘ll leave the key under the mat.Fix the dish washer， leave the bill on the counter， and I‘ll mail you a check.By the way， I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won‘t bother you.I also have a parrot， and

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For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed， but made no comment. Furthermore， he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap

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What are the most profound jokes ever?

有哪些笑话很有内涵？

获得10.8k好评的答案@Vinaya Patil

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer， "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

一个小男孩走进一家理发店，这时理发师悄悄对顾客说：“这是天底下最傻的孩子，我来证明给你看。”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the

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A husband said to his wife， " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"

"Well，" his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

一位丈夫对他的妻子说：“为什么上帝把妇女创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢？”

“噢，”

他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。”

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A patient said to his doctor， "Doc， please give me something that will stimulate me， excite me， and put me in a， very， very highly stimulated spirit， a fighting， excited spirit."

So the doctor said， "Don't worry， take this， and after you see the bill， you will have all these feelings."

病人跟医生说：“医生，请给我一些可以振奋、刺激、充满斗志的药。”

医生说：“别担心，这个拿去，看到这张帐单以后，你要的这些就都会有了。”

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一位古板的老妇人有生以来第一次尝啤酒，呷一口后，她疑惑地抬起头。

“奇怪１她小声地嘀咕，“这味道怎么跟我丈夫二十年来喝的药一模一样。”

Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half， what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.

老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿？汤米：四块。

老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢？汤米：汉堡。

[英文听力训练]:Very Stupid Robbers 两个笨贼 笑话

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said， "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said， "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back， "This is no time to be superstitious!"

两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧！”

第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊！”

第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信！”

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Uncle Frank， at 79， was a healthy and wealthy man， a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot， he said， but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim， he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.

Upon his return he exclaimed， "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!

弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了，富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追求

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