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英语小笑话：Only One Eye to Settle On
１s”_似锦
2014-10-14 14:22:14
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The girl found the go-between and said， "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side， When you met first， I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？”
“怎么没告诉你？”
媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”
……
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孩子的命名学
我不能给你的她可以
2014-10-11 14:16:58
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有一天，一个印地安小孩问他爸爸说："dad，我的名字怎么来的?"父亲
回答说："我们族人命名都是以小孩子刚出生时，父亲看到的第一见事物来命名的"像你哥哥，他刚出生时，我一出门就见到了青山，所以他叫Blue-mountain像你姊姊，她刚出生时，我一出门就见到鸟在飞，所以他叫Bird-flying.这就是我们族人命名的方式.
父亲顿了一下，然後回过头说："对了，Dog-fucking，你刚刚问我什么问题?”
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The Watermelon Patch
随风旅行
2014-10-09 17:30:30
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There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch（西瓜地）at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought he comes up with a clever idea that he thinks will scare the kids away for sure. So he makes up a sign and posts it in the field.
The next day the kids show up and they s
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英语幽默笑话 ：我是来装电话的
如鲸向海
2014-10-06 19:47:18
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A young businessman had just started his business， and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there， he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy， the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally， he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said， "Sure. I'v
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英语幽默笑话：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字
有文化旳流氓
2014-10-04 11:51:01
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A Girl's Name
When our daughter was born， we named her Myles， after my beloved late（已故的） father， despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .
Years later， when I felt she was old enough to understand， I explained to Myles， Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.
Myles thoug
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Flying near Athens
几番浓情
2014-10-03 01:13:14
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As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens， a lady asked the stewardess: "What‘s that stuff on those hills?”
"Just snow，" replied the stewardess.
"That‘s what I thought，" said the lady， "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece.”
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英语笑话：我没有蛀牙 No Cavities
东街烂人
2014-10-01 11:24:27
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A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit，"Hey mom，the dentist says I have no cavities. "
His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised，"It’s impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed!
Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left!
小男孩儿看完牙医，面带微笑地回到家：“嘿，妈妈，牙医说，我一颗蛀牙也没有。”
妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛：“不可能—&m
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英语冷笑话热闹开讲咯！
等待是最矫情的自嗨憔悴
2014-09-29 04:00:02
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大家有没有这样的经历，和老外讲笑话，无论笑话冷热与否，常常遭遇比冷笑话还要冷的冷场，爆冷，简直是一路撒冷，只剩下我们一脸华丽的黑线；而我们在看美剧的时候，也常常听不懂男女猪脚搞笑的对话。
本期沪江网校外语角主题：英语冷笑话，热烈讲起来。我们和大家一起分享英语笑话，评析英语幽默思维，帮助大家更好地用英语展现幽默！这需要：漂亮地道的发音、恰到好处的神态以及符合情景的语气语调。当然啦，还需要具备一个活泼开朗的心~~看你能否通过讲述英文笑话而让外国人狂笑不止。有什么包袱赶紧抖出来。火速预约，英语笑话不再冷，本周三晚七点钟>>预约入口
英语冷笑话，热烈讲起来！！
活动时间：3月30日(星期三) 19:00 - 20:00
活动地点：语音大厅
主讲人：小方
导播：小珂
主要活动内容：……
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英语笑话：The Young Man at the Wheel 驾车的小伙子
ァ停在昨天
2014-09-17 10:17:38
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My infant daughter began crying as I drove home from the store， and since she was harnessed to her safety seat in the back， I couldn't console her. Stopping for a red light， I turned around and waved my hands， calling her name to distract her. I gave her my biggest smile and blew her a kiss. The sound of a horn from the car behind us prompted me to look up. The young man at the wheel was s
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英语小笑话:请假了
长厮守
2014-09-14 04:57:48
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我曾参加过一个员工管理培训课程，我们班上基本上都是成年人和一些半工半读的学生。一天晚上我们在课上讨论工作丰富化的问题……
My personnel-management class consisted mainly of adult， working students. One night while discussing job enrichment， the teacher asked if any of us would be happy doing what we did that day for the rest of our lives. A student in the back raised his hand. Surprised， the teacher asked him， "What did you do today?" Smiling， he sa
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英语小笑话：I Have His Ear in My Pocket
梅月
2014-09-13 10:46:28
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I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked， "What happened?"
"A kid bit me，" replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where，" said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”
妈妈问。<
……
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英语小笑话：狗不识字
枕边书比水淡
2014-09-11 17:19:26
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Mrs. Brown: Oh， my dear， I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use， my little dog can't read.
布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
……
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英语小笑话：Give up your seat to a lady 给女士让座
爱的深伤的深
2014-09-09 10:52:51
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Give up your seat to a lady
Little Johnny says "Mom， when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning， he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing，" says Mommy.
"But Mommy， I was sitting on daddy's lap."
给女士让座
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
……
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Loss of voice
ε猫公主殿下ω
2014-09-07 16:32:16
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One guy goes to a doctor and says， "Doctor， my wife has lost her voice. What
should I do to help her get it back? ”
The doctor replies， "Try to come home at 3 in the morning.”
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英语幽默笑话：不会犯两次同样的错误
小矮子抽烟会呛
2014-09-02 09:28:54
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Boy: Hi， didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。
女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。
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英语小笑话：大手
南别谷堆与你
2014-08-31 01:10:37
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Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other， what would I have?Student: Big hands.
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？
学生：大手。
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英语笑话：Psychiatrist 精神病医生
走到最后
2014-08-29 04:11:28
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Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc，" he said， "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed， I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year，" said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week， and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it，" said Jerry. Six months later the
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英语笑话：Compare other things？比一下其他？
愛丄、勒囡囝
2014-08-22 22:43:07
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Compare other things？比一下其他？
Son: Mom， John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?
Son: Yes， his mother is prettier than you.
儿子：妈妈，John有双乔丹签名的球鞋。
妈妈：你只关心这个吗？不会比一下其它东西？
儿子：有啊，他妈妈比你漂亮。
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英语笑话：长寿秘诀 Secret For a Long Life
爱恨都已倾城
2014-08-22 18:53:03
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A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch（门廊） .
I couldn't help noticing how happy you look， she says. What's your secret for a long， happy life?
I smoke three packs a day， drink a case of whiskey a week， eat fatty foods and never， ever exercise.
Wow， that's amazing， says the woman. How old are you?
Twenty-six.……
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英语笑话：大脑袋 Big Head
鱼沉深海
2014-08-21 12:19:01
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"All the kids make fun of me，" the boy cried to his mother， "They say I have a big head."
"Don't listen to them，" his mother comforted him， "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."
"Where's the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one， use your hat."
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你
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精彩图片
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努力不一定成功，但是不努力，门都没有…
看着多危险，但是你把照片横过来看，危险就没了，不管什么事情，换个角度，你会明白很多，你会把握住更多机会
男人和女人约会时的热反应，你看懂了么？
收购二手冰箱、旧手机、离异少妇、失恋mm、二手情人…
