The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor，" said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room， people say， 'Hello， Monsignor'."　　The second mother went on， "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room， people say， 'Hello， Your Excellency'."

"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room， peopl

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If you want to impress a man， don't try to be funny.

如果你想给一个男人留下好印象，那么不要试图太有趣。

Research shows that men aren't hugely attracted to witty women.

研究表明，机智幽默的女人对男人没有太大的吸引力。

Given the choice of a female who makes him laugh， or one that laughs at his jokes， he will choose the latter.

如果让男人选择让她笑的女人还是听他的笑话笑的女人，他会选择后者。

Luckily， women aren't too worried a

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What's your name?

A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before，so he began:My name is Stone， and I'm even harder than stone，so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble. Don't try any tricks with me， and then we'll get on well together

Then he went to each soldier one after anothe

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A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well， sit down and eat your tea， said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office， complaining of a headache.

That's because it's empty， said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had so

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1. The neighbor often borrowed my inflator.

邻居经常借我家的打气筒。

One day， my four-year-old daughter suddenly told me:"Papa， what shall we do if the air of our inflator is used up?"

有一天，4岁的女儿突然告诉我说：“爸爸，我们的打气筒里面的气用完了怎么办？”

2. "Mama， why does the puppy drink the water in the slot?"

“妈妈，小狗为什么要喝水沟里的水？”

"Because it's thirsty."

“因

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一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸，双双死去了……

A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them， he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks

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I had fallen and dislocated my elbow， which made writing checks for my small business nearly impossible. I called my bank to explain that the signature on my checks would look odd due to my accident， and would they please horror them anyway.

"Okay，" said the woman on the phone， "but you' 11 have to write a letter to the bank telling them that you are requesting this. "

我摔倒了，肘骨脱

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An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news， what would you like to hear first?”

patient: "Well， give me the bad news first.”

Doctor: "You have cancer， I estimate that you have about two years left.”

patient: "OH NO！

That‘s awefull！

In two years my life will be over！

What kind of good news c

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Dick was seven years old， and his sister， Catherine， was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour， and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him， "Now here's a knife， Dick. Cut this cake in half

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Before the final examination， Tom told his mother， "Mom， I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

"Don't trust dreams， dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight，" Tom said.

在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”<

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Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says， "Congratulations， you got twins." The man said "How strange， I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says， "Congratulations， you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm， strange I worked as a director for the

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When a man in Macon， Ga. ， came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy， he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident， congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read， "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal. "

一位男子在乔治亚州的麦根城遇到一条狗在袭击一个男孩。他敏捷地用两手卡住了狗的脖子并掐死了它。一位记者目睹了这件事，向这位男子表示祝贺并说次日的新闻标题将是：“本地男子杀恶畜救孩童”。……

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How could anyone stoop so low?

Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved， jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or， should I say， his lack of it. One day， he stormed through the door and announced angrily， "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless， except for the one

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"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class，" observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles.

"When I say， 'Good afternoon，' the undergraduates respond， 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."

“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。

“我说&lsquo

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The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo， but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet， but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated， the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet， but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo， "How high do you think they'll b

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Stupid Question

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday， thousands of people passed his door， and a lot of them stopped and asked him， "What's the time， please?"

After a few months， Dan said to himself， "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

“Now people

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One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads， see how the farms looked， and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard， holding a pig up in his hands， and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer，" I see that your pig likes apples， but isn"t that quit

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A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying， "Everyone who thinks you're stupid， stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said， "Do you think you're stupid， Johnny?"

"No， ma'am， but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”

她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你

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The animals were bored.Finally， the lion had an idea."I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football.I‘ve seen it on T.V.”

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play.They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

The lion‘s team received.They were able to get two first d

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A big battle was going on during the First World War．Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere．After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle． After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim． The officer stopped him and said，“ where

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